Let me start by saying that there are good canals - like the ones in Venice and Amsterdam. These are WAY good canals. I love 'em.
Then there are bad canals - like root canals. I could probably just stop right here, couldn't I? But where's the fun in that? Last weekend I started to have that nagging pain in my lower jaw whenever I drank or ate something cold. By Monday, anything hot or cold sent shooting pains up and down my head. Now, let me explain that these pains were occurring when I chewed anything on the left side of my mouth - which is, coincidentally, really the only side I can chew on. Why? Because I still don't have good enough muscle control on the acoustic neuroma side to keep food in my mouth while chewing!
Clearly, not eating wasn't an option, so I phoned the dentist and he said I should come in Tuesday morning. After x-rays and a few minutes of acute anxiety - he uttered the dreaded words ... "you need a root canal." Crap. I'd rather have brain surgery. Oh, wait, I did that already... I immediately asked for the "pig nose" which is how I refer to that thing they stick over you nose when they give you the "happy gas".
So, many gulps of nitrous oxide and about 5 shots of Novocain later (did I mention how much those damned shots hurt?? They should knock you out just to get the shot) out came the drill. Having your mouth drilled when you are deaf in one ear and have hypersensitivity in the other one isn't really much fun. Oh, who am I kidding - drilling isn't fun even with two hearing ears!
As you have probably already surmised, I survived the event (barely.) When they got all of the equipment out of my mouth, the dentist asked me if I was okay and I quickly replied "hrmpholsphlshmp." What???? So I tried again. Same result. I felt like I had a big water balloon lodged in my mouth - oh, wait, it's my tongue. I should mention that the right side of my tongue is still pretty much numb from the surgery and nerve damage from last years brain tumor event. I am so used to it, that I really never thing about it. Well, the Novocain completely deadened the left side of my tongue too, so when I tried to talk, I sounded like a deranged mutant from Pluto. With a giant tongue. Nice.
To cap it off, when I got home, I thought a nice cup of tea would hit the spot. I brewed the elixir, put just the right amount of honey in it, let it cool slightly, took a nice sip ... and then watched it pour out of my mouth all over my shirt. I am so glad I work from home. Sigh...
now why does all this sound so familiar???? LOL I'm postponing a dentist visit just because of the tunnel excavation noises in my head. I am CONVINCED they use one of those TBMs (Tunnel Boring Machine); must be, a small tiny drill bit couldn't possibly create that much noise pollution. And to make things better, the last time he hit my tongue with the syringe (not deferred injection, no, straight into the tongue) which meant I spoke like a demented Plutonian too. Oh, and he hit a nerve with the second injection. By that stage I refused any more injections and told to go ahead with the TBM. I said it quickly before I lost the power of earth-like speech.
ReplyDeleteAren't dentist the greatest hoot ever!?! Barbaric comes to mind. I'm sure the profession is the modern descendant of the dark-ages torture master. Has to be.
Totally agree, Lorenzo. And, how about the smell? Burning bone. Horrific. It took a day to get the smell out of my nose/head.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember a movie (Dustin Hoffman, I think) that came out years ago call The Marathon Man? It featured dental torture. I don't think they really had to reach far to come up with that....
eurk, hate that smell too, and the grit in the mouth... I vaguely remember the film alright, sort of. Wouldn't take much to imagine dental torture. :/
ReplyDeleteHope your mouth has recovered and that the wine now stays inside! :)
Oh, not to worry about the wine. I am not above holding my lips closed to keep the wine in there! Not pretty, but it works...
ReplyDeleteand tilt your head back, helps too. :)
ReplyDelete