Well, it is a drippy, drooly day in norther NJ - too wet to really do anything outside. So, before I sit down for a read, I thought I'd write down a few random thoughts.
I've found myself spending a lot of time lately thinking about this time last year. I was only a few weeks from surgery last year at this time, and I can't help but reflect on what a difference a year can make. In truth, I can't remember much about the change of season last year - even though spring has always been my favorite time of year. It all registers as a stressful blur to me. Willie and I were both so scared a year ago, and filled with uncertainty.
I wonder how I would have felt had I known that I'd have such a long battle with the facial issues? It was my biggest fear going in, but I hadn't really considered all the consequences in the event that there was a problem. I remember waking up in the recovery room and Willie being there. He gently told me that I had some facial "weakness" and that Dr. Golfinos said it would probably take 4 or 5 months to get back to normal. I remember thinking at the time - "how am I going to get through 4 or 5 months?" Ha. Little did I know!!
It is interesting, though, that we can deal with a lot more than we give ourselves credit for. I have learned so much about myself in the last year, and about the people I am closest to in my life. And, I like what I have learned. As I approach the one-year mark, I am happy with where I am. I've regained about 80% of the facial movement; my balance is pretty good; and I am slowly learning how to be deaf in one ear (still a ways to go on that, but I have faith in myself.) I still don't have any tearing in my right eye, but I have become so adept at using eye drops that most people don't even notice what I am doing!
There's no denying that, for me, an acoustic neuroma was a life altering event - but I have to say that it has been largely positive. I've gained new friends, new wisdom and an even deeper appreciation of my husband, family and friends.
And, although I am approaching my first annual MRI with a slight degree of anxiety, most of what I feel is confidence!
One of the realisations I had after the initial stages of diagnosis was just how much I could deal with and do to help myself. I would never have taken charge of health matters in the past, but this one I just felt I had to. Being resigned to one person's dictat just didn't seem to be enough.
ReplyDeleteIt's been an incredibly rewarding and liberating experience this AN journey!
On top of that, look at all the friends I made!! :)