I was up at 5 this morning - which I would like to say is me turning over a new leaf, but in reality is nothing other than a rising level of stress as the date of my MRI approaches. You can use all the logic you want to explain away the stress, but the simple fact is that, in my mind, my body has proven capable of growing a foreign object once and I probably won't ever fully trust it again. This only makes sense to people who have gone through tumors, benign or not.
The MRI is scheduled for 11 on Tuesday, and I'll go to see Dr. Golfinos right after that, so at least I won't have to wait weeks for the results. And, then, life can go on!
Meanwhile, since I am up so early I thought I'd take advantage of the morning light (and no traffic) and head out to see if I can get some interesting farm pictures. It's going to be unseasonably hot today so now is my window of opportunity. Willie is off to Rhode Island with his mom and aunt Rosie to visit one the Zucculo relatives who is in a nursing home up there.
Now, I know you are wondering about the title to this blog - spitting. As most of you know, I still have parts of the right side of my face that don't move, most notably my forehead (hey, no wrinkles!) and my lower lip/chin. And, for the most part, it's not that big a deal. Oh sure, sometimes food slips out of my mouth and hangs on my lip where I can't feel it - but that's good for comic relief.
What really torks me off though, is that I can't spit. No, I am not talking about the kind of spitting that baseball players do (euw!) but the kind of spitting one does after brushing one's teeth and than rinsing one's mouth with water. I brush, rinse and dribble. Charming. I can't get my lower lip to close tightly enough to keep liquids in my mouth during the rinsing process either, so that whole part of dental hygiene is just a horror scene. I can't whistle either - all I can do is blow air (and, if I'm really having a good day, little bubbles of saliva!) Okay, probably more than you wanted to know, but hey, it's my blog!
So, please do some spitting for me, okay? And how about whistling a little tune, too. I'll be here in NJ dribbling and blowing.
hi Deb, I'v been enjoying reading your blog and experiences. I've endured several AN treatments: surgery Jan 8, GK Aug 08. surgery again Dec 08 and then a CSF leak surgery in Jan 09. After my Dec surgery, it left me dealing with right sided facial palsy. The docs didn't cut my nerve and they said it was working right after surgery so they said my movement should come back but no guarentees. I've already come such a long way that I'm very optimistic but the reality is my muscles still don't work! The right side of my body was traumitized after this surgery too and I couldn't even eat with my right hand. I had PT coming to my house teaching me to ues a walker - I can now run again!! :) The facial muscles are more symetrical too but I'm not sure if that is the natural progresion of the nerves regenerating or not. I'm 33, married to a very supportive husband and mom of tow wonderful little girls. The worse part is probably work and the thought of dealing with forever makes thinking about switching companies a little daunting!!
ReplyDeleteAny ways, thanks for sharing your experiences - they've been so great to read!!
Allison
HI Debbi,
ReplyDeleteDribble away! It's in your bathroom, so who cares. I usually just open my mouth, close to the sink if I can be detailed enough, and let it flow. So what I look like a guy that had one too many... As for whistling, I know one person who is very happy that I can't. I think she probably had a secret celebration, we're short of a bottle of Prosecco. So I say, dribble and blow to your heart's content, we're all more or less in the same comic relief scene. Lets have fun! Oh, I can think of one situation that it could be rather weird: wine tastings. Mind you, at least you can swallow the wine. Can't do that with toothpaste. Eurk.
I know it's frustrating and at times one is allowed to vent, particularly on one's own blog! :)
ah, and did you get some nice shots out there? ;)
Ali, you know, if they have a problem with you at work, or in a new job, well, it's THEIR problem. You did so much already, you deserve to be there and live as normally as you can. And switching companies is one of those things one does, AN or not, facial problems or not. Your abilities I am sure were not affected in any way. Go for it I say! :)
Ciao
Lorenzo
Hey, Ali, hey, Lorenzo - so glad you guys have my back in terms of the spitting thing!
ReplyDeleteAli, Lorenzo is so right that the people at work (old or new) can just think whatever they like. The fact is that I'll bet none of them battled a brain tumor and won! I really think we can all hold our heads up very high in this regard.
I don't think much about my face anymore when I am in public. Once in a while someone will ask me if I've had a stroke or something - and I don't mind the questions. Fact is that my face is back to about 75-80% which is pretty darned good. Wish I could spit though... LOL
Well, spitting will come back too. And after the news you had yesterday about the MRI, I bet the grinning will make that bit more difficult! LOL
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!! I hope you celebrated tonight.
Ok - so when i get my new computer and transferred my "bookmarks," I am JUST now discovering that some didn't make it. Therefore, I am "catching up" on your blog. I never really thought about spitting - I guess I just adjusted w/out thought, but the whistling thing REALY bothered me. However, after the T3, I can KIND OF whistle now. You know what bums me more than that though? NOT BEING ABLE TO BLOW A BUBBLE - I was a gum chewing bubble blowing machine!! So Sad...& to not be able to share that with my girlies! Oh well...I can still do loads of other stuff with them! :o) have you tried to blow something up?? I have to hold one side closed to get anything blown up or all the air comes out that side first!! LOL!!
ReplyDelete