Pardon Me?

So, thanks first to my "tumour buddies" for your unfailing support and understanding. I was talking with Wendy (another tumour buddy) this morning on the phone and we had some good laughs about our weird new world.

So, today I am going to vent about SSD - or, for those who aren't in our club, Single Side Deafness.

I think that the thing to stress here is DEAF, not hard-0f-hearing. It seems to be very hard for a lot of people to understand that I don't hear a single thing from my deaf ear. So, talking louder doesn't necessarily help. What DOES help is remembering to talk into my hearing ear, which is my Left ear.

To complicate the total absence of sound coming from my right side is an intensity of sound coming from my left side. I am told that the sound hypersensitivity will go away or at least diminish in time, but right now I still find a lot of loud noises to be acutely painful. So, when people shout, it really isn't a good thing and I still can't hear you because at that point, I've slapped my hand over my left ear to protect it.

Another thing that people don't seem to really understand is that I can't hear when multiple people are talking all at the same time - really, I can't hear you. All I hear is a lot of noise all fighting to enter my over-worked left ear. And, if you add some background noise onto this (air conditioner, radio, forced-air heat) it gets even harder.

Conversely, when I am engaged in a conversation with one other person, or multiple people who don't insist on talking over each other, I can hear just fine and you don't even need to raise your voice.

When I am at home, I can hear pretty much as well as I ever did. What I can't do is tell where sound is coming from. When a phone rings, I can't tell what room it is coming from. A crash in the middle of the night? No clue as to where it originated. And, sometimes, I don't really recognize sounds - I am constantly asking Willie "What was that?"

In noisy environments, I just can't hear - period. And, that is very unnerving and exhausting. I find myself not wanting to go out to dinner as often because sometimes it just isn't enjoyable at all because it is such a struggle to hear. And, yes, that makes me feel very aggravated at times - I don't like not being able to participate in conversations at the same level I used to. However, there are some bright spots. Recently I was out in a very noisy NYC restaurant with my friend Kura who carefully leaned forward over the table every time she spoke to me - which meant that I could actually hear her. It was an amazingly thoughtful gesture and is just one of the reasons why she's such a very dear friend. Love you, Missy!

I am looking into some sort of bone conduction device (either BAHA or TransEar) but I am also fully aware that it won't solve all of these issues. However, it would go a long way to minimizing the problem of people talking into my deaf ear. The other option is to just stay home all the time and while some days that is very tempting, it isn't a good long term solution.

I am trying to take some pages from my Dad's book. He has been SSD for years and most people would never even know it. He is my hero when it comes to seeing how gracefully someone can get through challenging SSD situation. And, like so many of my tumour buddies, he also knows how crummy it feels sometimes to not be able to hear. Thanks, Dad.

On a bright note, when I sleep on my left ear (which I usually do because it hurts to sleep on my incision side) I really can't hear a thing. This means that I pretty much sleep undisturbed through the night.

Thanks for letting me vent.