Odd, I posted this a few days ago, and it dated it about a month ago, so let's try this again...
So here's the deal ... I married into an Italian family 9 years ago. And, it has been a wonderful and enriching experience. However, one thing still puzzles me and that is the Need to Feed.
Whenever we go to my in-laws (or any other family member. friend or casual acquaintance) we MUST bring food. And, it almost doesn't even matter what the food is, just so long as it is edible. A box of grocery store cookies will qualify. Now, maybe I am an unsophisticated heathen, but in my family and circle of friends, you just show up! (And in my younger and poorer days, I would show up with laundry.) And this whole food-giving thing extends to visits of any duration - even a quick stop for coffee requires some sort of food.
And it works in reverse, too. Whenever my in-laws come over for dinner or a visit, my mother-in-law has to bring something to eat. And, if I tell her that she can just show up, that the real gift is spending time, it causes all sorts of stress and anxiety. It is just unthinkable to show up empty handed!
It complicates the whole visiting thing - you can't just swing by to say hello. First you have to find someplace that sells food so that you can arrive bearing food. And, the food must be served during the visit! Don't even think about saving it for "later!!"
This has all caused me to question my own visiting protocol. Are my friends and I complete losers because we visit without food? Have we been transgressing some unspoken "food rule" all these years? OMG, are other people secretly saying "oh, look at that poor, clueless woman - showing up without food?" Crap.
First of all: when I was a student, I would show up with cookies too, AND laundry.
ReplyDeleteNeed to feed is simple as you know: food is a social event for us. Simple as that. It is there to be shared, to be enjoyed and to show how much we like each other by giving what;s most cherished, food.
Showing up without food is so uncivilized!!! OMG. Shock horror! LOL
Saving it for later????? Are you being insulting? I'm not going to bring some nice goodies only to have you scoff them all and not share them. that is like saying: thanks, now just get out while I eat those all by myself!
No no, this is purely an italian thing. You other barbarians can continue as you please amongst yourselves, but please, be nice to us, bring something nice. Oh, and preferably NOT homemade, that's the cheap option. go for some nice deli stuff, expensive. That's a sign of good taste. Don't believe me? Ever seen the packaging on most of the Italian foodstuffs?
Fear not, we're the weird ones. or at least, we let you believe that so we can keep being civilized, and chuckle at you lot.
:)
Hilarious! And, confirms that I am, indeed, a barbaric heathen. At least I know...
ReplyDeleteBut, really BOXED cookies? Euw. What is even worse, though, is the dreaded stale pannetone cake - the ones they sell in the grocery stores here that have a shelf life of about 12 years. (can anyone say "preservatives...?)
They invented preservatives for those pannetoni. And, any idea why? Eh? I tell you why. Because us italians love to give each other Panettone. Evrybody does it. So imagine, you sit at home and that 'need to feed' compulsion gets everybody to bring a Panettone. Of course as a good Italian, one does exactly the same. You get the idea: there are all these people visiting each other bringing Panettone. Before long, you end up with a stash of Panettone that would last until the next millennia. Soooo, we recycle them. Sensible no? Use the one you just got and bring it to somebody else. E presto, problem solved. Of course, one may eventually come back to you, which is interesting as one starts t wonder where the connection is. A bit like a tracking device, 6 degrees of separations, A Panettone family tree. The system does require a sense of organisation to make sure you don't a Panettone back to the original giver.
ReplyDeleteThe other consideration is that there must be very few Panettoni sold in Italy with so many of them doing the rounds and never being eaten. I guess us lot abroad with nobody to give them to will just eat them. Of course, I unlike my fellow Italians, eat them all.
Boxed cookies. Yes. I mean the high class ones, made by an artisan, in a proper bakery, with the best ingredients and wrapped in some nice paper on a cardboard tray, with a ribbon. Not Oreo of course. (insert rolling eyes here) Barbari
Obviously, there are not many Italians in Texas!! We certainly eat our share, but here it is definitely "the more the merrier!" & "just come on over whenever you can - don't worry about bringing anything, just COME!" AND here HOMEMADE is BY FAR the best thing you could possible bring! Peach cobbler, anyone? The lady that organizes the "funeral meals" for the church would absolutely DIE if someone brought something that was store bought!!
ReplyDeleteyes, but well, see.... Italian all cook like mad, and they are in general bloody good at it too. So, bringing something made is like cooking at home. Whereas bringing something cooked by a 'pro' and showing a sense of appreciation of the good things that one can't make but must buy, is like going a step up. anyway, that's their thinking. Of course, as far as I'm concerned, come along, bring a bottle if you must, but lets just have fun.
ReplyDeleteOK, I can no longer sit on my hands – I’m jumping in on behalf of all the displaced New York Italian Americans…a necessary distinction as your neighborhood defines your authenticity and it’s well known fact that NJ Italians are in name only. Don’t believe me…quick, name one good bakery in NJ…..too late, you lose, no pastry for you!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I must address a potentially life threatening concern before I get to the point. I think you’ll all agree, it deserves our immediate attention. Now, I’ll risk the chance that I might be taking some literary license with my interpretation, but as a fellow AN sympathizer, I want to make sure that what I’m reading isn’t really what I heard – what? Anyway, you’ll get my point in a second…Here goes, I believe Kay said, and I quote, “Obviously, there are not many Italians in Texas!! We certainly eat our share,…” WHAT!!!!, when did that become a sport? As someone who is vertically challenged, it pained me to look the other way when “midget tossing” was in vogue, but eating Italians, what the hell is going on in Texas! I know things haven’t been the same since Tom Landry left the Cowboys, but I must insist this stop immediately – bad bunny, bad bunny!
OK, that out of the way, I believe this all comes down to cannoli. Yep, talk all you want about being neighborly, and showing appreciation to your host, but it really comes down to receiving cannoli as a desert. Sure, no one will say it out loud because it’s Italian taboo – the worst of the North American taboos, but we’re all hosting dinners for the sole purpose of receiving cannoli. Heck, in my household, we’re not shy about this. Can’t make the dinner at our house? No problem, just send the messenger with the cannoli – and not those little baby “aren’t they cute, so everyone can have one, you cheap b_ _ _ _ _d cannoli giver wana be cannolis.” No, send the big honkin’ freshly made rush me to the hospital with clogged arteries cannoli!
For those of you non-Italians, it’s kind of like having to endure eating the weird seasonal
rainbow-colored Carnival King cake and not being rewarded with the little plastic baby. So please spare us…we don’t mind you coming over and eating our food, but if you want to leave upright, keep your homemade fruit cups with 12 scoops of Cool Whip and bring on the CANNOLI!!!!
WAB
Well, that's my husband, folks. Sigh,,,,,
ReplyDeleteWillie~
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome at our house ANYTIME (& I know it is on your list of "places to visit before I die") but you will have to bring the Cannoli because I don't even really know what it is...GASP!! I am sure that is a big shocker!!
Kay - LOL! We are going to have to introduce you to cannolis. No one should go through life without them.
ReplyDeleteLorenzo, care to describe a cannoli to Kay?
Doesn't know cannoli.... sigh. o m g double sigh.. Willie, I'm with you, bring them on. We're living in a cannoli-less country here, sadly.
ReplyDeleteI can do better than describing them: here's Wikipedia's entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannoli