Catchy title, right? Well, I've been thinking quite a bit lately about balance. It really started on "The Cruise" last month when my balance took a major hit. I sometimes forget how much I rely on sight to compensate for the now-missing balance nerve on my right side. It leads to all kinds of funny situations, and a few hair-raising ones. Mostly funny, though.
The ship, of course, was particularly problematic because of all the colors and patterns that cruise ship companies seem to find necessary - never mind the 20 foot swells and gale-force winds! The patterns alone would have been enough to send my brain running for cover. Interesting, however, how quickly one adjusts. What I have learned is that I have to give the gray matter a chance to settle in for awhile with new surroundings. Kind of like the way I need to let Willie settle in with a new idea (like taking a vacation to Egypt, for example.) Without proper time to adjust, the brain basically gives you a great big finger.
The whole balance thing also doesn't work well in the dark. For example, several weeks ago I was out walking our neurotic collie at night. She, of course, wanted to go to the side of the house where there are no outside lights - and we live in the country where it is pitch black at night. Well, you can see what the problem is. I step onto our lumpy lawn, stumble, and go right down. Yep, on my hands and knees in the dark. I know the damned dog was laughing the whole time.
Last Saturday, Willie and I went to a very nice black-tie event. We arrived well into the cocktail hour - about 200 people (all in formal attire) were milling about in a space designed for maybe 100 people, noise level through the roof - and I was already tired. I think I got about 10 steps into the writhing mass of people when my brain said "not gonna happen!" Fortunately, Willie steered me to a place along the wall where I was able to enter into negotiations with my brain. I eventually won. And it was worth it because they had fillet Mignon for dinner - with a nice glass of Cabernet!
The other day I had lunch with a friend, and as I was hugging her goodbye, I realized that I was losing my balance. I was starting to slowly tip forward, like a tree being felled in the forest. And all the while I was desperately clutching my friend! I could feel it happening, but couldn't do a damned thing to stop it. Fortunately, she kind of gave me a push backwards and I regained my balance. Honestly, it was so funny - I had this momentary vision of us both falling down in a heap in the parking lot! Well, that certainly would have gotten everyone's attention.
So, more entertaining experiences. And I am sure everyone out there who has done battle with an acoustic neuroma will have their own funny balance stories to share....
My brain seems to enjoy reminding me occasionally that 'hey, I'm still faulty ye know, haven't gone away!' It's like some temperamental teenager, male, with a perverse sense of making an adult look like an idiot. Negotiations usually go long the lines, 'yes you will, no I won't, yes you will, NO I WON'T', etc, you get the idea. And usually this happens at the most inopportune moments. A restaurant with a noise wall, and group of friends / people / strangers looking at me while all talking, in the dark while walking towards people, when I put sunglasses on... One day I was standing there having just come out of a darkish interior into the sunlight, and I stopped to put my sunglasses on. Brain / teenager decides that the darkness from them was not what it wanted, I started toppling over backwards as I pushed my sunglasses onto my head. The momentum was enough to make me topple back like a drunk. I had one glass of Barbera, if you must know. Fortunately Sheila was standing right behind me and pushed me back forward.
ReplyDeleteAs for walking at night, I compare it with walking on jelly, it's fun to see where it decides to go, because I certainly do not have much control apart of the general direction. I had close and intimate encounters with trees and lampposts, and certainly have walked on more things I tried to avoid than I care to remember.
Oh yes, a faulty and limited balance system is a hoot. You should all try it once if you haven't the privilege of an AN! :)
Thank God for spouses who have our backs (literally!)
ReplyDeleteI live the analogy of walking on jello - that about sums it up.
Do you ever notice, also, how if you are walking and not really paying attention to your feet - i.e. looking around, gazing up, etc - you very quickly go off course. I recently found myself all the way on the other side of our little road! OOps. I feel as if maybe I should wear a cattle bell to warn others.
the only direction i look is down. Looking up causes me to keel over backwards, or walk into some unexplained object to my left. :) Forget about looking at buildings or such tall thing. I need to 'stop & hold' to do that. It's fun though! LOL Direction is only a vague notion now. Great. :)
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